Exciting News

I got hired on as seasonal with the chance to prove myself and get hired on full time. I have to sign up for benefits although I’m not sure how to do that. I got on the website and it is confusing. I read through the benefits materials and SRS surgeries are covered! I am so incredibly excited! The plan pricing is really reasonable also. The last time I had medical through a job I was paying almost $500 a month for family and this is much lower with the same co-pays but more benefits! I really hope that I can get hired on full time. The pay, hours, and benefits are amazing.

Found out the other day that the owner of my other job (the one I’ve had for 6 years) bought another store and picked a store manager…surprise, it isn’t me. His reasoning, I can’t work nights or weekends. I think that is a lame excuse because my old store manager who is now his regional manager, wasn’t able to do nights or weekends either when he gave her the job. Honestly, I don’t care anymore. My store has had 5 or 6 store manager’s since I got hired on so obviously something isn’t right with how they are treated. The last manager as well as the current one have confided in me all the pressure put on them by the owner and staff and they don’t make much more than what I am. It isn’t worth it. As employees we are not valued for what we do. We have to repeatedly beg for raises. Night shift expects all our work to be done yet they don’t do half of what they are suppose to be doing and leave it all for the 1 person that opens in the morning to do on top of all the things they have to get done. It’s a never ending vicious cycle and I am tired of it. I like what I do but it is just too much. The turn-around rate is so high that I don’t even bother to remember anyone’s name until they have been there at least 3 months. Of all the people that were there when I started, I am the only one left. Sad really. That is why I am so excited for this new job. I am not going to leave my current job unless I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I will be hired on full time. I don’t want to be stuck in limbo if the new job doesn’t pan out. But, considering the owner re-hires people that steal, lie, do drugs while on the clock, and stand around not doing anything other than hit on customers and be on their phones…I have no doubt that as a hard worker I would get re-hired if I asked to come back. I don’t really want to beg for my job back though. Don’t get me wrong, if it means providing for my family I will.

Hope you all made it a great day!

Christian

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Poor puppy

Our dog has been having issues with his ears for about a week and we noticed that his ears were draining badly. His vet was able to get him in today. Double bacterial ear infection. He needed his shots also so we did that. Nurse took him to get his ears cleaned and after paying almost $400 and getting home home I realized they cut his nails without even asking us and charged $12. I know it’s only $12 but they never even asked! Add the flea drops, pills, ear drops, special shampoo for his sensitive skin, and two shots I’m not going to complain about the total price because I know we got off cheap. Does that make sense?

Hope you made today a great day…if it wasn’t, just remember that tomorrow is a new day.

Christian

Numb

I have a cousin that has been battling cervical cancer for years. She’s gone through radiation and chemo and just the other day had to have a hysterectomy. Got a call from my mom this morning telling me that my cousin can feel herself fading and knows there isn’t much time left. She lives 2 states away and I want to be with her but financially I’m afraid I won’t be able to. I think I’m still in denial and maybe that why I haven’t cried yet. I’ve heard a lot of trans guys say that they can’t cry after starting T but I’ve not had anything to cry about since starting T until now. I wish I could help with her kids or console her mom and brother but being so far away I am unable to the way I feel I need to.

She is an amazing daughter, mom, sister, cousin and I will truly miss her.

Christian

Totally forgot

Yesterday after lil bit comes home from school she tells me that it was picture day at school. I had it in my calendar to remind me and yet I still forgot! It’s not like she was wearing dirty ratty clothes or something but the fact that I forgot angers me. I wish I could remember things like I used to. I’m not quite 40 and already my memory is failing me.

It’s the beginning of a new day so I’m determined to make the best of it. I am going to go out and make it a great day!

Christian

New truck?

I found a used (new to me) Dodge Durango that is cheap but has high mileage. Dealer says nothing is wrong with it but with that type of mileage I’m not sure I want to have another fixer-upper. Not only that, I still owe more than what my car is worth and adding that onto a loan for the Durango, I am not confident that I can afford it. I want a new car but don’t necessarily need a new car. It took me many years and a lot of growing up to learn the difference between need and want and even at almost 40 I am still learning. So, no new truck for me. Kind of depressed about it to be completely honest. I love the feeling of a new vehicle. All of the new smells (even if it is used), new dials and knobs to play around with, the feeling that I accomplished something by getting it. But alas, it was not meant to be. That’s okay though. It gives me the chance to build my credit more and to pay off some of the loan on my Mustang. Hopefully, this time next year I will be in a better position and there will be a better truck for me to purchase. Until then, I am content with how things played out. The heated seats, adjustable pedals, and all the other amenities would have been appreciated though.

As always my little sweet ‘ums, go out and make it a great day!

Christian

The Real Liebster Award Questions

It was brought to my attention recently that I answered the wrong questions. I apologize for this and wish to give you the correct questions that I have been given to answer. Thank you again Ailanthus Altissima for noticing this oversight on my part! Please go check out their page and subscribe! They have excellent content!

It was recently brought to my attention that I answered the wrong questions when answering on my last entry regarding ‘My First Liebster Award’ and for that I apologize to that creator. Here is a list of the correct 10 questions that were asked of me: 

 

  • What is your favorite color and what does it mean to you? 

My favorite color is actually two out together. I adore burple! Blue and purple make the most amazing color, at least in my opinion.  

 

  • What prompted you to start blogging and/or writing? 

I didn’t come out until later in life (35) as transgender. I found that there isn’t much out there for help for the “older” people who need to transition. That and I was told that I post too much on Facebook so I stopped Facebook and started blogging. Made more sense anyway. 

 

  • What was the most significant journey you’ve been through? 

I have been through many journeys my life but I think that being a parent is the most significant journey I’ve ever challenged myself with. While it’s very rewarding, it is also very difficult. “Rules” change constantly with the growth and age of my children. Second, I believe, is transitioning from female to male, especially at such a late stage in my life. There is very little information out there for the “older” generation and even less help (at least in my area). 

 

  • Who’s your greatest adversary? 

My greatest adversary is myself. I am my own worst critic.  

 

  • If you could conceptualize yourself as anything other than a human being, what would you be? 

I’m thinking a house cat. They can be cuddly and lovey one minute then BAM! They can be total jerks the next minute and it is acceptable because that is just their nature, how they are. When they go through that phase then decide they want love it is freely given. 

 

  • How would you describe your safe space? If you don’t have one, what do you imagine it might be like? 

 

I have some paranoia issues that I am working through so in my mind there is no ‘safe space’. That being said, if I had to choose one place it would be either my home or my parents’ home.  

 

  • What is your favorite website? 

 

There are so many that I cannot choose just one so here is a list of some of my top favorites: 

WordPress.com 

Facebook.com 

Dogpile.com & bing.com (these two rank equally) 

Netflix.com 

Amazon.com 

Audible.com 

Wish.com 

Goodreads.com 

Listchallenges.com 

Khanacademy.org 

Ocw.mit.edu 

Hpb.com 

YouTube: 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXhSCMRRPyxSoyLSPFxK7VA 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCe5IabAzRyXqLpAib13Q2yw 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCe5IabAzRyXqLpAib13Q2yw 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGm12C0Xn3KAfybqzqAyiFw 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-NINtNMPM75eaqh07RCy_Q 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIZSqPHF-R9m3X5o0VPKFdg 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJ63ottEtOBy1Jp92nzPlmg 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWqJpFqlX59OML324QIByZA

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYxrnDjNQZIs_aAcdhqSveg 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkQJ4YUx54LB23tgOt-Tx-w 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZmMnu70cq6BaXBFORSLszg 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnM7J3nAAnw7v2HfsnGl70Q 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCp0hYYBW6IMayGgR-WeoCvQ 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPfeM2tm3T19uPf8pU3VHLg

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRj7HXvKV3AXGTbGeOX5Wzw 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC12IuD9gzvGk2y4J-nvZ_pw 

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/ 

These are in no way in any certain order. I love them all! Pretty sure I am a YouTube junkie 🤣

 What type of media resonates most with you? 

 I was going to say that I get most of my information from lots of sources, which is true, but my main source is YouTube/internet. If you know which places are all about “fake news” or “likes, subscribers, etc.” you can stay away from those and get good quality information from the sources that are not all about that.  

 Do you have any background/education/experience you feel benefits your blog? 

 Growing up trans (although not out until much later) I was able to get the experience to talk about those issues and what they mean to me. I, in no way, speak for all people of transgender experience, just myself. I have a degree in Cosmetology and my Associates in Business Administration. I was 1 day shy of graduating massage therapy and have taken some classes in ASL (American Sign Language). With most of these classes I had to take writing courses and/or write papers. This helped to sharpen my writing skills. 

 On a scale of 1 (lowest) to 10 (highest) how would you rate your ability to empathize? 

 I would rate myself at an 8. I say this because while I can empathize, and even sympathize in some cases, I cannot fully understand each situation in the way that helps me to either empathize or sympathize. I wish I had an example for you but alas, I do not. 

It’s another sunny, frigidly cold day here in my city but I am bound to make it a great day today and I hope that you are able to do the same. Have a super, great day everyone! 

Christian 

My First Liebster Award

The Stories In Between was kind enough to nominate me for my first Liebster Award and for that, I thank them. I’m sure a few may be asking what this award is, I must admit that I was one of those people. This is an award that bloggers nominate other bloggers for when they want to show respect to their work as well as the dedication that the blogger has put forth in creating their work. It’s a way that we, as bloggers, can show our appreciation and recognition for all the bloggers out there that are living life with all its complexities as well as taking time out of their day to write down thoughts, feelings, ideas, and concerns in an effort to help those out there that may be looking for a ray of sunshine in a dark and dreary world.

10 questions that were asked of me (these were the wrong questions but I have permission from Ailanthus Altissima (misstree.life) to reblog these questions. please see https://wordpress.com/view/iamaman2015.wordpress.com for the correct questions and answers):

  1. What is your favorite color and what does it mean to you?

My favorite color is burple. While that doesn’t make a lot of sense, I will explain a bit. It is blue and purple mixed together to make the most beautiful shade on the planet (at least to me).

What prompted you to start blogging and/or writing?

I have written for as long as I can remember. Started many books but only finished one, a children’s book, that I wrote for my oldest when she was around 2. With all our moving through the years I have since lost it. This saddens me to no end. That said, the main reason I started this blog was because: A) people were starting to tell me that I wrote too much on Facebook B) I was unable to find anyone my age (currently almost 40) that were transitioning and wanted to throw myself out there for others that may be, or have gone through, some of the things I am as a transparent.

What was the most significant journey you’ve been through?

While parenting and transitioning are never ending, I would have to say that those two are the most significant. Being a single parent is extremely difficult but worth every moment. Transitioning is also very difficult but rewarding as well.

Who or what is your greatest adversary?

Simply put, myself. I am my hardest critic. I expect too much from myself yet get angry with myself for not achieving my goals.

If you could conceptualize yourself as anything other than a human being, what would you be?

At first I was going to say dolphin but they are expected to be all fun and nice and stuff. Then I thought, I’d rather be a house cat. When they are temperamental they can get away with acting like jerks, they decide who is allowed to touch them and when, they get a warm/cool place to sleep (constantly) and food in their tummies. They don’t have to answer to anyone and it is acceptable. Plus, they can be warm and caring creatures.

How would you describe your safe space? If you don’t have one, what do you imagine it might be like?

I have schizophrenia, and in my mind, with the paranoid aspects of my disease), there is no safe place. However, with that being said, I think the safest I feel would be my home.

What is your favorite website?

Honestly, it depends on my mood. My top websites are:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRj7HXvKV3AXGTbGeOX5Wzw

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC12IuD9gzvGk2y4J-nvZ_pw

Facebook.com

WordPress.com

www.listchallenges.com

Goodreads.com

Audible.com

(Note: these are not in any particular order)

What type of media resonates most with you?

No one type of media as there are many. I think it depends on what I am wanting to know or learn about.

Do you have any background/education/experience you feel benefits your blog?

I think that being a single transgender parents helps me to write about those topics. Having had may writing classes throughout my college career assists me to write about these topics in a way that makes sense to my readers (I will ask that if you ever have any questions to please ask them…the only “dumb” quesiton is the one not asked, it’s how we learn).

On a scale of 1 (lowest) to 10 (highest) how would you rate your ability to empathize?

I would have to say an 8. Some things I sympathize with as I cannot fully empathize with all situations.

Thank you again for the nomination. Have a safe and wonderful rest of your day!

Christian