Hurting 

I tried to lay down a couple hours ago but the pain from my incisions under my armpits was just too much so I got up and took a pain pill then started on some homework (last semester before graduating woo hoo!). 

After awhile I found myself on Facebook and was reading a post about a guy getting fat shamed in another ftm faceboook group. I shared my experience of fighting anorexia but now I’m a large guy like he is (he’s 5’8″ 200 lbs while I’m 5’3″ 195 lbs). I told him while I’m still not happy with my body I’m alive and that’s enough for me. Getting pregnant with my oldest daughter literally saved my life. Had I not gotten pregnant at that moment I probably would’ve ended up like Karen Carpenter (singer from 70’s…possibly 60’s). 

After sharing that experience the back pain that I’ve had for the past few days got worse then my chest started to hurt pretty bad. Knowing it’s most likely just another panic attack I couldn’t help but wonder if it’s a heart attack. What if it were? I’m all alone with no one to assist me if I need it. I took some of my anxiety medication. And laid down to work on my breathing. I’m so glad I took Tai Chi in high school and learned all those breathing exercisesbevause they’ve helped me a number of times when I’ve had panic attacks.

I finally figured out how to add pictures so I am including one of my chest 1 week after surgery. It is red because I’m allergic to the antibiotic ointment and the cortisone to try to help the reaction to the ointment. Since this picture was taken I haven’t really put anything on it except lotion but I’ll admit I haven’t been very good at doing it regularly so now the red marks look kind of scaly up close. My nipples are starting to turn black (which is a good thing) and soon the black scab will fall off leaving a nice little pink man nipple behind. 


It is 1:30 am on a Friday night, although I suppose it’s Saturday morning now, and I have quite a bit of homework left to do so I’m going to bid you farewell. 

As always, go out and MAKE it a great day 

Christian

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